Can't Fight This Feeling
by LookingForSophie
Summary: Nyx Kripke had been born into the life of hunting. She'd spent the best part of her life following her father from pillar to post. Nothing ever staying the same. The only constant being the Winchesters. Until their fight. 10 years later they're thrown back into her life, but she's not the girl that they once knew. What happened to her? Will the brothers ever find out?
1. Chapter 1

She could feel her heart hammering in her chest as she rounded the corner. It was here somewhere she knew it, she could feel it. It was her first time back hunting since the 'accident'. She was rusty, that much she knew. She hadn't been hunting in a long time, but this was more than her just being rusty. She was completely at a loss. What she thought was just a simple haunting had turned out to be something much more complicated. When she'd taken the job she thought she'd be in and out within a day, but it had been nearly a week now and there had been no avail. She'd been trying desperately to find out who had died here, but nothing had come up yet. There had been no reports of any deaths within the household, and there was nothing she could find within the house itself that would indicate otherwise. She was at a complete loss.

She decided to leave it for the night, there was nothing she could do here, apart from maybe get herself killed. Instead she returned to the crappy motel room where she had spent the past week. She knew she needed help, she'd done all the research she could think of. Searched the house from top to bottom but nothing had come up. She knew there had to be something, there always was, but whatever it was she couldn't find it, and as the week went on she could feel herself losing hope.

She pulled out her cell phone as she sat on the edge of the lumpy motel bed. She dialled a number and waited for it to ring, "Bobby? Yeah it's Nyx." she sighed as she leaned back on the bed so her feet were still resting on the floor. Bobby had been like a father to her, and she hadn't wanted to call and bother him. He had been worried about her going back to work, he thought it was too soon. She hadn't spoken to him in months, not since after...well, she hadn't spoken to him in months.

"Nyx? My God girl I haven't heard from you since…how are you?" He'd cut himself off, and she felt herself cringe.

"I'm good Bobby, I just need your help. I'm working this case, and I thought it was just going to be a simple haunting, but I can't find out who died there. There are no records, or even myths." It was unusual for something like this to happen, but not completely impossible. Usually if someone had died in the house, or if there had been something odd about it or the family there were local tales, but this time she could find nothing.

Bobby was silent for a moment, "I'll have a look into it. There's really nothing? Where are you?" She rattled off the address, asking him to get back to her as quickly as possible. There was nothing she could do for now, so she stripped off and climbed into the shower. The pressure was weak, and as she climbed out she was sure she was still dirty, but it was better than nothing. She needed to do laundry in the next few days as well, everything was dirty, and she was beginning to smell.

She climbed into bed, fully dressed as always. She was always prepared for the worst, especially since the "accident". She managed to get in a few hours sleep before her phone rang, blasting out 'Pour Some Sugar On Me'.

"Hello?" she answered groggily.

"Nyx, you're not going to be happy." Bobby's voice grumbled down the phone. Nyx groaned as she sat up, turning on the lamp.

"What is it Bobby?" She looked at the clock, it had just gone four in the morning.

"Well I tried to find out who had died there, and like you said I couldn't find anything. I've looked everywhere I could think of, whoever it is, they didn't die there. Is there anything in the house that could belong to them? An object that could be keeping them there?" She thought carefully. She'd gone over the house from top to bottom, she couldn't find anything that could be keeping a spirit there. Unless it was a piece of old dusty furniture.

"I couldn't find anything Bobby. Not a toe nail. God, this was supposed to be simple. Maybe I just don't have it anymore, maybe I should quit." she said, more to herself than to Bobby.

Bobby snapped, "Don't you dare say that! You're one of the best damn hunters I know!" She felt bad, ever since her father died Bobby had been like a dad to her, sometimes she thought Bobby was a better dad to her than her own was.

She was feeling sorry for herself and she knew it, "I'm sorry, I know, it's just this is getting to me. It used to be so much easier."

"Oh boo hoo, so you're a little rusty. Get over it! You have a case to solve." She rolled her eyes, good old Bobby, "Listen, I'm sending you some help. Don't complain, you could use it." She was about to tell him not to bother, but she wasn't so full of pride that she couldn't accept help when she needed it.

"Who is it?" She asked tentatively. Hoping he would send anyone else but them.

"Sam and Dean." She gasped. She hadn't seen them since she was about 13 years old, and they hadn't parted on the best of terms. Ten years was a long time to hold a grudge, but this was the Winchesters. She couldn't even remember what they had argued about, but she had no doubt that they did.

"Bobby…" She started, "They aren't going to want to help me." She knew they were the best hunters; there was no one better than them. Not that many hunters would admit that, but she'd known since the second she laid eyes on them, if she was going to hunt with anyone, she wanted it to be them. Even as kids they were better hunters than most of the seasoned hunters out there. They'd grown up knowing all of the dangers out there. They'd been hunting their whole lives, and she almost wished she could take that away from them. They'd never known innocence.

She heard Bobby sigh, "Nyx, they aren't going to care about some adolescent argument that you can't even remember!" She wanted to believe him, Sam had been her best friend as a child. Sam and Dean were the only friends she had as a child. Maybe even ever. Like them she was always on the move, but Dean and Sam had looked out for her when they could, "I talked to them; they'll be there in the morning. Don't go back to that house till they get there." Nyx thanked Bobby and said good night.

She slipped back under the covers to try and get some more sleep, but her mind was filled with thoughts of Sam and Dean. Would they remember? Would they still hate her, or would they have forgiven her? Were they still the same boys she knew ten years ago?

She knew the answer to the last one. She knew they weren't the same boys they were, Sam had left to go to law school, but now he was back and he wanted revenge. He wasn't going to be the same sweet little boy; and Dean? Dean was Dean. Lost and angry. That boy was so tortured; he'd had less of a childhood than Sam and Nyx. He'd been held responsible for Sammy his whole life, and he'd always felt responsible for her as well. She missed him, she missed them both.

She didn't know what she'd say to them when she saw them. Dean especially. He was stubborn, and if anyone could hold a grudge for ten years, it was him. She didn't know if she could take seeing him hate her, but even more so she didn't know if she could cope if he didn't.


	2. Chapter 2

They'd been driving for a little over an hour when Bobby called. Dean's ringtone, 'Smoke on the water' blared out, almost causing him to swerve off the road. He was exhausted, and was nearly falling asleep at the wheel.

"Bobby?" He answered, not taking his eyes off the road. He hadn't slept in a long time, his eyes were heavy, and he just wanted to pull into the nearest motel.

"Dean, I have a job for you." He groaned, couldn't he have just one night off? They'd been working cases the past two weeks straight. Sam was still having nightmares every night, and Dean just wanted to rest.

"What is it Bobby? Can't it wait, I need to sleep."

"No it can't. It's Nyx, she needs your help and you're damned well going to give it to her." Dean was taken aback. Nyx? He hadn't spoken to her in ten years, not since their argument. He'd been too stubborn to call her. At sixteen he thought he knew everything, he was stupid, but he had too much pride to be the one to call her. In his mind she'd made no attempt to fix things, so why should he?

"Bobby. No." He wasn't going to do this. Whatever it was, Dean knew she could handle it. She was as good a hunter as him or Sam.

"Listen, you're going to go and help her, get over yourself. Whatever you three fell out about it can't be so bad as not to speak to each other for ten years. You were kids! She needs your help. Dean, it's her first job since the accident." Dean suddenly felt guilty. He didn't know exactly what had happened, Bobby refused to tell him, but he knew it had nearly killed her both physically and emotionally.

"Where is she?" He sighed, rubbing his eyes. He wasn't going to be sleeping for a while longer. He knew he needed to do this, maybe he hadn't forgiven her, but she needed him, and that was what was important. He memorised the address, she wasn't far from where they were now which meant he'd have a chance to get a few hours sleep.

He drove for another hour before waking Sam; he'd slept more than Dean had in the last week. His mind had been full of thoughts about their dad, and if they were going to find him. Sam took over driving for a while and Dean fell quickly asleep, only to be woken a few hours later by Sam.

"We're here…why are we here anyway?" Dean had yet to tell Sam why they were in Pennsylvania. As far as Sam was aware they were on their way to Connecticut to deal with a suspected Werewolf, it was nearly a full moon.

"Nyx needs help." Dean jumped out of the car, not giving Sam time to question him. Dean was good at avoiding things, but he knew he couldn't really avoid this. Sam jumped out the car and grabbed Dean's arm.

"What do you mean Nyx needs help? How do you know? We haven't spoken to her in ten years!" Sam exclaimed. He'd always been mad at his brother for that, Nyx was his best friend, and because of his brothers stubbornness he'd lost her.

Dean sighed, he couldn't avoid it forever. "Bobby called last night, he said she needed help. It's her first case back since the accident." he explained.

"What accident?" Dean wanted to punch himself in the face, Sam had been away at college, and he'd never got round to telling him.

"Well I don't know exactly, Bobby wouldn't tell me. I just know it was bad, bad enough for her to stop hunting. She went into hiding pretty much, no one heard from her for a year, everyone thought she was dead until about sixth months ago when she showed up on Bobby's doorstep."

Sam was fuming, "Why the hell didn't you tell me this? It was you that was mad at her, not me! God damn it Dean I'm fed up of this, get over it. She was a kid Dean, just a kid." Dean knew this was true, but he wasn't going to give in to Sam. He was too stubborn.

"You weren't here Sammy; you were off at school, remember? You were the one who cut us off, not me! She wasn't just a kid Sam. You know that as well as I do. She knew what she was saying." Dean growled.

"Yeah, but I've been back for a month now, and have you ever considered she was right?"

Dean wanted to throttle his brother, "She wasn't right! She had no right to say what she did! No right at all, but of course you would agree. You're only happy when you're away from our family right? Listen Sam, I don't care about her. Bobby asked me to do him a favour, so let's hurry this up so I can get out of here." Dean stormed off towards the motel room Nyx was staying in, not giving Sam time to answer.

He banged loudly on the door, and less than five seconds later it swung open, Dean wasn't expecting what he saw. In his mind part of him was still expecting her to look the same way she did when she was thirteen, but boy was he wrong.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! Chapter 3 here. Please let me know what you guys think so far! It's set near the beginning of Season 1 just so you guys know. Please leave me some feedback letting me know what you guys think, be it good or bad! I'd love to hear from you guys. Let me know what you think is going to happen and what you hope is going to happen! Have fun reading xx**

* * *

><p>She'd been pacing in front of the door for nearly an hour when she finally heard the loud knock. She froze; did she really want to answer it? Before she could even think about the answer she'd flung open the door, coming face to face with someone she hadn't seen in almost ten years. She gasped slightly at what she saw; Dean was stood before her, but not the same boy she remembered. He'd bulked out a lot since she'd last seen him, but his style was still the same. He still wore the pendant around his neck, the one Sammy had given him, and that leather jacket fit him better now. His nose was more crooked, and his features more masculine, but he still looked like Dean. He'd hardly changed; the same couldn't be said for Sam though.<p>

She took stock of the boy, no giant, stood before her. He now towered over her, at thirteen she'd been taller than him by a couple of inches, but he'd grown since then, and she hadn't much. His hair was darker now, and he was more rugged, but his eyes showed he was still the sweet boy she had left. There was still traces of innocence in all of his features that showed this life had yet to completely taint him like it had Dean and herself. He looked tired though, she could tell he hadn't been sleeping well and she couldn't blame him. Bobby had kept her up to date on everything that had been going on in their lives, and she knew about Jess. As far as she could tell Sam really loved her, and probably planned to marry her one day. So for him to walk in on her in flames on the ceiling, dying the same way his mom did...she couldn't imagine the pain he was going through.

She stared for a moment longer before realising she hadn't invited them in, "Umm…please, come in?" She said as she stepped aside, letting them into the dingy motel room that smelled of mold and stale cigarettes, and not to forget the urine.

"Well let's make this as quick as possible shall we?" Dean suggested, looking anywhere but at her. She'd known he'd be awkward, but she had hoped he'd at least say hello...

"Nyx, I'm sorry, please forgive me?" Sam wasted no time blurting as he stepped in the door, pleading with her to forgive him. Dean rolled his eyes; he knew Sam would pander to her. He'd always had a thing for her as a kid, and he knew he'd never really had a chance to resolve his feelings. Despite still being mad at her he couldn't deny that she had, how to put it, filled out a lot. She'd got curves, and in all the right places. She'd grown a pair of boobs in the past ten years that was for sure, and her features had become more prominent. Her lips were full, and very kissable; her eyes were still a soft shade of hazel. Once they had been soft, and kind, but now they had hardened, and showed no emotion. He couldn't deny she'd become a very beautiful woman, but that didn't change anything. He still just wanted this to be over and done with as quickly as possible.

Nyx's eyes softened immediately, and she became flooded with guilt. "Sam there is nothing to forgive! I'm the one who was in the wrong, I over stepped my mark." She'd been dying to say this for ten years. "I'm sorry, and you really don't have to forgive me." Dean tensed. He was sure she was playing them, she always used to do it when they were younger, she'd had both the boys wrapped around her finger from a young age, and now was no different. Dean was sure of it. She'd always been good at getting what she wanted.

Sam went to say something in her defense, but was interrupted by Dean. "What a heart-warming reunion, but I believe we have more pressing matters." Sam glared at Dean. He knew Dean was still pissed, but there was no need to be so rude.

"So, what has Bobby told you?" Nyx asked, her voice stiff, giving away no emotion. She was hurt by Dean, but she knew it was no good to show it. It would just show him he'd won, and she knew Dean well enough to know never to let him think he'd won. It was her own fault anyway. She knew she couldn't blame him for being mad. Maybe he was overreacting, but that wasn't her place to judge.

"Not much, a ghost with no body." She nodded.

"Ghosts tend not to have bodies, darling." Dean smirked, sarcastically.

Nyx ignored his comment, "I've been over the house a hundred times, I can't find anything. I've searched the wall cavities, against my better judgement. There isn't anything."

"There's clearly something, you've just missed it." She'd forgotten how snarky Dean could be; she'd missed it in all honesty.

"I'd like to see you do a better job." She snapped back. He glared at her. Sam stood awkwardly between them unsure of what to do, or if he should do anything at all.

"Show me this house then." With that he made his way to the door, yanking it open.

"You still have the Impala?" She gasped.

"Of course we still have the Impala." She stared at it, she loved that car. She had many memories of it; it was one of the best parts of her childhood.

"Is the army man still stuck in the ashtray?" Sam blushed slightly. She chuckled at his wordless answer.

"Are you coming or not?" Dean was in a bad mood. Nyx had noticed the bags under his eyes, he wasn't sleeping again.

She nodded, "Just let me grab my stuff." she made her way over to the beat up old car that she'd borrowed from Bobby. She'd lost her car nearly six months ago, since then she'd been driving around in the wreck.

"Please tell me that is not your car?" Dean questioned eyes wide, "What happened to your Mustang?" Her dad had owned a cherry red mustang that she had loved as a child, and when her dad died it was one of the few belongings he left behind for her. It had been her pride and joy. It was all she'd had left of him.

"I don't really know, I think it was stolen." She shrugged. Dean and Sam stared at her in confusion. What had happened to her? Even as a small child she'd loved that car, she'd helped her dad build it up, and Dean knew better than most what that meant to her. She'd never have let anything happen to it, if it had been stolen she'd have hunted down who ever had taken it, and made them wish they had never been born. That's just how she was.

"Are we going then or not?" she asked as she climbed into the backseat of the Impala. Sam and Dean exchanged worried looks. Dean was still pissed at her, but there was something seriously wrong with her. Even he could tell that. He climbed into the Impala, and as the engine started music began blasting out, much to Sam's distaste, "AC/DC, I see your music taste hasn't changed." She smirked.

"You don't just stop listening to good music." Dean smirked and Nyx cringed slightly. When they were younger they had always teased her about her music taste. She was in love with Britney Spears and all mainstream pop, much to everyone else's dismay. "You still listening to that same crap?" He asked. He was trying. That much Nyx knew, but it didn't stop the sting she felt when she heard the bitter and angry tone to his voice.

"God no. I grew out of that pretty quickly." She smiled, trying to lighten the mood. "Why did you never try and stop me?" She joked hoping it would make Dean laugh, or at least smile. It didn't.

Sam chuckled, "We tried, remember? You are just too damned stubborn." Nyx smiled at the memories she had of playing in Bobby's scrap yard, Sam and Dean chasing her, and teasing her because of her music taste.

"Clearly you didn't try hard enough!" She teased. Dean was silent still; she noted his jaw was clenched tightly shut. She wanted desperately to say something to him, but she knew whatever she said would have no effect. He was mad at her, and he had every right to be, and that wasn't just going to go away.

The rest of the short car journey was spent in near silence besides the odd direction she had to give. Eventually they pulled up at the old house. It looked like it hadn't been lived in for a long time.

"This place looks abandoned, why were you even here?" Sam asked as Dean opened the trunk to get supplies.

"There's a new family moving in, friends of friends, and about a week ago I got a call asking for my help. Their daughter had been attacked." She explained, "Listen guys I'm really thankful about this, you didn't have to do this." She was trying to reach out to Dean, but Dean wasn't having any of it.

"Bobby asked us to. We're doing this for him, not you." She nodded not saying anything; she knew this was what was going to happen the second Bobby told her who was coming. Lying in bed last night she'd remembered what they had argued about, and she honestly didn't blame Dean for being mad, she figured Sam would forgive her. Sam had always seen things clearer than Dean, especially when it came to family. John at least.

Sam looked at her with pity, she didn't need pity, and she'd seen enough of it recently. As Dean stormed ahead Sam pulled Nyx to the side, "I'm sorry about him, he doesn't mean it…" She interrupted him before he could finish.

"Yes he does. Sam he's right, I had NO right to say what I said. I was young, and stupid, and I didn't know what I was talking about, but it was no excuse. If I were him I'd be doing the Sam, so please don't defend him." She didn't wait for Sam's reply, she already knew what it would be.

"So I'm taking it you've seen the ghost?" Dean queried.

"Oh yeah, seen it, been attacked by it; she's really violent. I think she's possibly the most violent ghost I've met." Nyx didn't want to admit it, but this ghost had her on edge. She'd been attacked multiple times since she'd entered the house, at one point she even believed she was going to die.

"You're sure she's not a benevolent spirit?" Sam asked.

Nyx hesitated, "I've been asking myself the same question, but Sam I can't find anything relating back to this house, not even this area." She had no idea who this ghost could be, or what was keeping it here, but she knew they needed to find out, and quick, before someone got themselves killed.

"I'm going to go and have a look around, see if there are any old papers or letters that could give us a clue." Dean grumbled as he stormed off into the house. Nyx wanted to call after him and warn him to be careful, but she knew he would be fine. He was Dean after all.

"We should probably continue searching the house, please be careful Sam. I wasn't kidding when I said she was violent." Sam nodded his head. Nyx and Sam were the same age, but Sam had always been the mature one. It used to confuse Nyx that the adults would treat her as more of a grown up than Sam. Sam had always been more mature. She'd spent her whole life taking unnecessary risks and rushing into situations without fully understanding them, but no matter what she did she was the grown up one in the eyes of everyone around them. Sam was far more cautious and thoughtful. He never rushed into a situation without fully understanding what the dangers were.

Sam looked conflicted, like he wanted to say something, but he wasn't sure if he should. Nyx gave him a look that told him not to bother. He sighed, "Let's go inside then, we won't find much out here." Nyx nodded in agreement, she wasn't happy about being outside while Dean was inside alone.

They started their search in the living room. It was old, and covered in a thick layer of dust, papers were scattered everywhere across the floor. The original furniture from the house remained; most of it was covered in what were once white sheets. The family that were moving in hadn't even had a chance to unload the moving van before their daughter had been attacked. The large crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling, creating rainbows on the opposite wall where the light shone through. The walls were a deep shade of red that complimented the mahogany floor and furniture. There was a large fireplace at one end of the room that took up a large portion of the wall, above it hung a portrait of the family that lived here last.

Sam stared around the room, "Where do we even start?" Nyx smirked at him, now he knew the trouble she'd been having. "Were they the last family to live here?"

"Yeah just under a hundred years ago now. I don't get it; a place like this? It must be worth a fortune. I don't get why the family didn't sell it till now."

"What's the story then? The family didn't die here did they?" It was what Nyx was hoping for, it would have been so much easier.

"No, not one of them, the children grew up, and moved out, and the parents grew old, and moved into a care home where they could be looked after. Once they died the children kept the place, but no one moved in. It's been in the family since, but no one has lived here, they only recently sold it because they could no longer afford it." The pair began sifting through the papers on the floor, looking for anything that could give them a clue. Nyx had already searched through most of it, but she was hoping there was something she had missed. Anything that might tell them who this girl was, and how she got there.

They'd been searching for a while when they noticed the lights flickering, "God no, please not again!" She grabbed her shot gun loaded with rock salt and noticed that Sam had done the same.

"DEAN!" Sam called out.

There she was in front of them, she was a young girl, not much over the age of sixteen, her hair was jet black, and disheveled, and in perfect contrast to her skin. You could tell in life she'd been very pretty. She looked between Sam and Nyx before launching herself at Nyx. Nyx fired her gun but the girl had disappeared before she'd even managed to pull the trigger. Nyx felt herself fly against the wall, she heard Sam fire a shot as Dean entered the room, but yet again the girl had gone.

"What the hell just happened?" Sam panted.

"She attacked me, that's what happened." Nyx growled as she sat up, rubbing the back of her head where is had hit the wall.

"No, I mean why did she only attack you?" Dean and Sam exchanged glances, but Nyx didn't understand, "She looked directly at me, but she didn't attack me. She had the chance, and Dean was alone, and she didn't attack him, why you?" Nyx hadn't even considered that. She suddenly felt very bad, that was something she would have spotted before. She was out of practice, and she was a danger to herself and others.

"Who did you say she attacked before?" Dean asked from his place in the door way.

"His daughter, but he was there. I should have thought…"

"Yeah you should have, why the hell didn't you?" Dean snapped, he knew he was being unreasonable. There was no way she could have spotted that before, but he was still angry at her.

Sam jumped in to defend her, "How was she supposed to have seen that? Stop being such a jerk!"

"Sam stop being such a little bitch, I'm surprised she didn't attack you." Nyx couldn't help but smirk at that, things hadn't changed that much since they were children. Her memories of Sam and Dean were part of what had gotten her through the past year, not that she'd willingly admit that. There was a lot she wouldn't admit when it came to the brothers, not even to herself.

"Very funny Dean, you should really be a comedian instead." Sam glared.

Nyx wasn't going to let them start an argument over this, "Guys, seriously, not now. Dean did you find anything?" she asked.

He hesitated, contemplating whether or not to say something to Sam, he decided against it; he'd get him later. "I don't know, maybe. It might be nothing though. What do you know about the family?"

"What do you want to know?" She knew pretty much everything there was to know about the family. She'd done extensive research on them, but nothing had come up.

"Who lived here?" She looked confused, why did that matter? She'd established that none of them had died here.

"The mother, the father, a daughter and a son."

"What was the daughters name?" She didn't understand why that was important.

"Elizabeth, why?"

"There's a diary here, it belonged to some girl named Annabel, she lived here too, but I don't remember any records of her." Nyx cursed herself, something else she had over looked. She was stupid to think she could just come back and everything go back to how it was.

"I haven't heard of her, there was no record of her. None of the family mentioned her either." What was going on? Who was she, and why had no one mentioned her? She'd looked through the house records, and there was nothing on her.

Dean looked angry, and she knew what was coming next, "Did you even bother to look into this family at all? Did you do any research? Because it seems like I'm the one having to do everything around here."

"I'm sorry Dean, I did my best!" Nyx snapped back. She knew she hadn't done a good job, and she didn't need him on her case as well.

"Well your best clearly isn't good enough. I can't believe you Nyx, maybe you just aren't cut out to be a hunter." Those words stung, she'd been thinking it herself, but if she wasn't hunting she didn't know what she would do. She couldn't do the nice apple pie life, it wasn't in her. She'd tried. If she wasn't a hunter she wasn't anything. Part of her wanted the apple pie life; a husband, and 2.5 kids, and a dog, and a backyard, but she knew she couldn't have it. She wouldn't be able to stand it.

"Stop it Dean, seriously. I don't care anymore. I know I really fucked this one up, but that doesn't give you the right to treat me like shit. I apologised for what I said, and I understand, you don't want to forgive me, but the least you could do is act like a professional!" She snapped.

"Least one of us would be then!" He snapped back. Sam stood between them, unsure of what to do or say.

"Oh shut it Dean. I forgot Mr. Perfect can never make a mistake! Do you really believe you are that much better than the rest of us?!" Both brothers stood in shock, she'd only ever once snapped at Dean like that, and it had ended with them not speaking for 10 years.

"Why did I even bother coming? I knew this was a bad idea, I should have just told Bobby no!" Dean shouted.

"Pack it in the pair of you! Dean we're going back to the motel so I can find out who this Annabel is." Sam intervened. He wasn't sure what was even happening here, all he knew is he needed to talk to Dean, to try and talk some sense into him. Dean didn't say anything; instead he stormed out the house like a petulant teenager, "I'm sorry about him, he'll come around. It's hard for him to admit he's wrong, or forgive someone."

"Do not apologise for him. I don't care how hard it is for him; he can bloody grow up, and stop being a jerk." she didn't wait for Sam to say anything, instead she followed Deans lead, and stormed out the house. Sam followed quickly behind them. He knew this couldn't continue the way it was going, but he had no idea what to do. He couldn't side with Nyx without upsetting Dean, and he couldn't side with Dean without losing Nyx again.

When he got outside they were both sat in the car not talking, and taking it in turns to glare at each other in the rear view mirror when the other wasn't looking. The stereo was blasting out Metallica. Sam rolled his eyes; they always were as stubborn as each other. He didn't understand how they could be so similar, but so different at the same time.

The ride back to the motel was silent, and when they finally arrived Nyx got out the car without saying a word, and locked herself in her room.

"We need to talk Dean."


	4. Chapter 4

**Some reviews would be nice :) I'd like to know what you guys are thinking! Hope you enjoy xxx**

* * *

><p>"No we don't." Dean said as he sat down on his bed, "What we need to do is find out who Annabel is." Sam sighed, he knew Dean was going to try and do anything he could to avoid the subject, but they needed to talk about it. They needed to fix things because Sam was scared that if they didn't then she was going to walk out of their lives again, and right now, he just couldn't deal with that. He couldn't lose anyone else.<p>

"Yes we do Dean. Are you really mad at her, or are you mad at yourself because you agree with her?"

Dean didn't answer right away, the question had shocked him and he almost had to question it before answering, "You're insane you know that right?" he scoffed.

Sam looked at Dean with questioning eyes, "I don't think I am. Honestly Dean, holding a grudge this long? It doesn't make sense. Unless it's not really her you're angry at, but yourself." Dean didn't reply. Silence filled the air between them. Sam was sure he was right, but Dean was just to angry at him to reply.

Sam decided it was pointless to sit here while Dean was brooding so he headed across to Nyx's room to try and help her find out who Annabel was. He knew she was blaming herself but also knew she shouldn't. There were no records of this girl so how was she supposed to know she had even existed. He wanted to make her feel better about this, but he knew she was as stubborn as Dean; almost nothing he said would make a difference to her.

Sam finally left Dean to sulk and went to see Nyx. He knocked on the door before entering; he didn't bother waiting for her reply, "Hey, you decent?" He asked with his eyes closed.

"Yeah, what are you doing here?" He opened his eyes to find her sat at the table surrounded by papers and her laptop. She hadn't even bothered to look up when he came in the room, her eyes glued to the screen. Searching, searching for anything that might help them.

"I thought you could use some help, and Dean is brooding." Normally this would earn a smile from Nyx, but she really wasn't in the mood. She wanted this to be over, to never have to see Dean again. She thought she could do this, but it was harder than she had ever imagined. She hadn't ever planned on seeing him again, but it was harder than she had ever imagined. He'd been so important to her her whole life, and then one day he was gone. She'd never really gotten over it. She'd never really gotten over him.

"Can you phone the family? The numbers are there." she said as she handed him a piece of crumpled paper, yet again not looking at him. She couldn't bring herself to do it. Sam had been her best friend and she'd just left him. He needed her and she left him. No one understood him the way she did. No one understood him the way she did. He never wanted the life of a hunter, but neither of their parents understood that, and Dean was too focused on trying to impress his dad to realise there was more to life than hunting. She was the only one who understood, and she just left him.

"Sure thing." He wanted to talk to her desperately, ask her what had happened. Not only the accident, but since the last time he had seen her. He had missed his best friend more than anything. Several times he'd tried to call her, but every time he couldn't bring himself to do it. He'd really hurt her, and she deserved better than that. When they stopped talking, she was left with no one. Not long after they'd stopped talking her dad had died. There hadn't been a funeral because there wasn't enough left of his body to burn. He'd tried calling her then. It was the only time he had, but she went off the radar for a while. She'd gone to live with Bobby, but she spent all her time out there fixing up the car that her dad had left behind. She wasn't speaking to anyone, let alone the person she thought had abandoned her when she needed him the most.

He spent the next two hours on the phone to different members of the family, but there was nothing, he had one more number to call. He hoped they would know something because Nyx was going crazy, and so was he.

"Hello is this Mrs. Law?" He asked.

"Yes, how may I help you?"

"I'm doing some research, and I was wondering if you knew anything about a girl named Annabel, she would have lived with the Hudson's." There was silence on the other end of the phone.

"I'm sorry; I don't know who you are talking about." She replied curtly, going to hang up the phone.

"Mrs Law, please wait. It's very important that I know about her." He still wasn't used to having to do this, but he had to try at least. She was their only chance of finding out what was going on.

"I already said I don't know who she is." She was getting impatient now, and if he wasn't careful he was going to lose her.

"Please, I've found her diary. I need to know who she was it's a matter of life or death!" He pleaded with her. The desperation clearly coming through in his voice.

He heard her sigh on the other end of the phone, "I didn't know her, but my mother told me stories about her. She was my grandmother's illegitimate child; they kept her hidden in the house. My grandmother was so ashamed of her that they kept her locked away, and she used to beat her. Please, this could disgrace my family's memory."

"What happened to her when your family left the house?" Sam asked, this was the biggest break through yet.

"She didn't leave with them, my mother never saw her again after she left the house. She always believed they just left her in the house. She went back after her parents had lef,t but she never found any trace of her. Why do you need to know this?"

"We just want to find out what happened to her. Don't worry ma'am there won't be any disgrace to your family name." Nyx was listening intently to the conversation, she couldn't make out most of what the woman was saying, but she had heard enough to understand that she knew who Annabel was.

She couldn't help but feel slightly bad that she hadn't been the one to find out, so far she'd been useless, and she hated the feeling. 'You can't keep feeling sorry for yourself, think about what Bobby would say to you' she thought to herself. She knew if she kept it up she really would be no use. How could she expect Sam and Dean to trust her, and rely on her when she couldn't rely on herself? This negative attitude was making things worse.

Sam hung up the phone, and turned to face Nyx, "We need to go get Dean." she nodded stiffly. Would Dean go off on a rant at her again? She was tempted to skip town, it was unfair on the boys but it was probably safer. Dean would be happier with her gone, she could tell he didn't want her there; he was making no secret of it. Sure they might be pissed, but it would be better in the long run.

They walked across the parking lot of the motel to the room Sam and Dean were sharing. Sam barged in without knocking this time only to find Dean stood there in nothing but a towel. There was water running across the panes of his body. Nyx didn't know where to look, she'd forgotten how toned he was. She felt the flush across her cheeks and the tips of her ears.

"Like what you see?" Dean smirked, causing her blush to deepen. Truth was she did like what she saw.

"Get dressed Dean." She mumbled. She turned her back to him, but caught a glimpse of his reflection in the window. She watched as he sauntered back in to the bathroom to get changed. She began to gnaw on her lip, something she'd noticed she did when she liked what she saw.

He emerged a few moments later, fully dressed, much to her disappointment. She mentally slapped herself for that thought. She didn't think about Dean like that. No, she'd only ever thought of him as a brother, or at least that is what she had convinced herself.

Nyx had never been very good at admitting her feelings, she'd never been very good at understanding her feelings either. She'd grown up without a mom, and her dad hadn't really taken the time out to talk to his daughter about those kinds of things. She'd had to figure everything out as she went along, and she'd never been in one place long enough to grow an attachment to someone, so it had never been a problem until her dad had died. Then she'd been somewhere for longer than a week, and she had a chance to make ties, it scared her a lot to start with. She didn't understand what she was feeling, and she had no one to turn to. She knew about sex, but she'd never felt any romantic feelings, that she knew of. It was a whole new experience for her.

The first time she was ever romantically involved with anyone was when she was 18. His name was Chris; he was sweet, and funny and reminded her of Sam. Maybe that was part of the reason she dated him. To feel close to Sam again. They even looked slightly similar, but he wasn't Sam, and she'd never even felt that way about Sam. It didn't last very long; Nyx was too distant, and didn't like human contact too much. She didn't really understand how a relationship worked, and eventually things just fell apart.

She avoided relationships after that, she'd only had one other relationship, and it had ended a lot worse than Chris. It was something she didn't really like to think about or talk about.

She snapped back to reality a few moments later when she heard Dean ranting, "She's a danger to us Sam! I've been waving my hand in front of her face for five minutes, and she hasn't even noticed! She's going to get one of us killed!"

"She isn't a danger…" Sam tried to argue.

Nyx cut in before he could finish though, "He's right Sam. I thought I was ready to be back again, but I don't think I am. I'm putting you guys in danger." Sam stared at her in disbelief, "I'm sorry Sammy, but I think it's better if I go. I'm sorry for dragging you two into my mess."

"Oh no you don't. This is your mess, you aren't going anywhere." Dean glared. He wasn't sure what made him change his mind. Maybe it was the fact that he wasn't used to her agreeing with him, or letting him push her over, but he felt this sudden anger towards her.

"I thought you wanted me gone!" Nyx protested. She wanted out of there. She needed out of there.

"I did. I changed my mind." Nyx wanted to scream. She didn't understand why he was being so awkward.

"Whatever Dean. I'm not playing your stupid little games, I'm going." She rolled her eyes, about to storm out the door, but before she could ever get two feet Dean had grabbed her arm.

"Stop it, seriously Nyx this is beyond pathetic. Whatever happened to you, I'm sorry, but you're better than this. You're one of the best hunters I know, but you're acting like a rookie. Suck it up because you have a job to do." His face was inches from hers making it hard for her to concentrate, but she heard every word he had said. She finally managed to look away, dropping her head in shame. He was right, she knew that. It wasn't that easy though, it was harder than she had imagined coming back to the job.

"Did Bobby tell you what happened?" She asked curiously.

"No."

"Good. Now let's get to work." With that she was back to work. She was adamant she wasn't going to screw up this time. She wanted to prove her worth to Dean. Maybe then he could forgive her.


End file.
